Caspar and Lonnie: The Saga Continues

Oengus's latest installment in the continuing saga of Caspar the Amicable Ghost and Lonnie the Dead Hippie Preacher. This time they meet a Gnome. Here's a grabber:

They were about ready to give up their search when they entered a particularly hard to reach grassy spot, surrounded on all sides by very thick brush.

"Get off my grass!" came a loud, cross sounding voice from somewhere in the bushes. It startled them.

Caspar started, and Lonnie too, looking around to see from where the voice came. They moved forward to investigate — by which I mean that Caspar floated through and Lonnie hovered above the vegetation.

"Get off my grass you dumb ass ghosts!" came the voice again, louder and grumpier than before, but this time it sounded as if it came in front of them low to the ground.

This post is from September; I'm still catching up. I'm never disappointed for having read the man's ongoing work.

Catching up with Caspar and Lonnie

In which we discover that Lonnie has the power of exorcism. You really need to read the whole thing, but here's an excerpt which I was going to comment on:

"Well, I think it started because old Pastor Moses didn't like that you started casting demons out of people. Besides preaching, you had the gift of exorcism. You were a demon buster. I remember one time especially. There came a young lady who had been dabbling in witchcraft for years. She had invited seven different spirits to inhabit her. At first they probably gave her clairvoyant abilities that astounded her friends. Demons always offer something to entice a human. It is not until later they started controlling and tormenting her, as demons always come to do. They always hate the people they inhabit. But somehow or another she came to the church one night. You don't recall it, Lonnie? When you told them to come out of her, at first they caused a big commotion. Exorcisms can be messy affairs and shocking to watch happen. But they finally popped out of her and couldn't reenter. They were ever so angry that they were forced to leave the poor woman. She was set free from their grip. Then they looked up at the ceiling and saw me clinging there, looking down at them. They were shocked to see that a gargoyle was guarding the place. I gave them a big raspberry, and they fled the scene."

This reminds me of a funny story told by a newly-ordained Oratorian priest. He was having dinner with a group of my friends circa 1997. Because we were all YUCIs (Young Urban Catholic Intellectuals) he was regaling us with funny Catholic stories. That is, stories about funny Catholics.

One was about a woman who always came up to him after he celebrated daily Mass to perform the important service of telling him what was wrong with the church architecture, or what was wrong with him, or how spiritual she herself was. One time she told him she had an apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary. He decided to have the following conversation with her at that point.

"Did you spit at the apparition?" the priest inquired.

"Excuse me?" replied the spiritual lady, no doubt shocked that the young priest would suggest such a blasphemous act, not to mention being oblivious to the impressiveness of her revelation.

"I asked you if you had spit at the apparition. You see, if it truly was an apparition of Our Lady, spitting would not have harmed it. Whereas if the apparition were actually demonic in nature — as is sometimes the case — your spit would banish it immediately. That's why St. John told the early Christians to test the spirits. If it happens again, spit at it. You won't offend Our Lady; she'll know why you are doing it."

This exchange had the two intended effects. The primary effect was, of course, the instructing of the ignorant, one of the spiritual works of mercy. The other effect was that the woman never bothered him after Mass ever again.

No doubt this parting of two people with different spiritual offerings was a blessing for the Church. This is often the case, as in the story of the parting of Paul and Barnabas in Acts chapter 15. Father continued to celebrate Mass for the spiritual lady every day, and the spiritual lady no doubt begged Our Lord and every saint she knew like crazy for this priest's conversion. That's called a win-win. It's a big Church, and we all help each other get to Heaven.

Mr. Moonbones on Gargoyles

I used to think a gargoyle was a certain type of goyle, as opposed to a boy. But that silliness is only one of the many misconceptions about gargoyles. Oengus Moonbones instructs the ignorant among us with regard to these strange—but eminently good—creatures in an installment of his serial Caspar and Lonnie. Excerpt:

The best way, I suppose, to describe the appearance of a gargoyle would be to say, as a first approximation, that it is like a monstrous blend of monkey, lizard, toad, and octopus. Now gargoyles stand upright, usually, and are bipedal, mostly, and have binocular vision, if you don't take into account their auxiliary receptors. Gargoyles have very strong prehensile tails, which can be used as an extra leg. Their hands and feet are more reptilian-like with long, razor sharp nails and claws, which are retractable like in cats. The arms and legs are long and slender but surprising for their strength and agility. As for their skin, it appears more toad-like than anything, and it is covered with many protuberances, or bumps, the overall coloration ranging between a dark greyish green to a deep bluish purple. Gargoyles are odorless. Their large primary eyes are a deep red in color, with pupils resembling what you see in cats. Their heads sport multiple horns, sprouting at least six or more, which curve to sharp points. Their noses are bulbous, with a keen sense of smell, and the large mouths contain long fangs. The ears are large, and floppy, and acutely sensitive over a wide frequency range. A Gargoyle's tongues is split at the end, the tips being capable of moving independently. A gargoyle's voice is clear, well articulated and gentle sounding. If ever you have heard a very mellow, late night FM radio disk jockey, that is close to what a gargoyle sounds like when it talks.

I mentioned "auxiliary receptors". What I mean each of the protuberances on the skin houses a tentacle which can be extended or retracted, and these tentacles have visual receptors as well. And by extending its tentacles, a gargoyle has the ability to view its surroundings in many different directions simultaneously. Besides being able to see, the tentacles are also very strong and can grasp hold of objects. Now some species of octopi are famous for their ability to instantly mimic or blend into their surroundings. Gargoyles have the same ability, only carried to a much higher degree. This is how gargoyles can make themselves virtually invisible. You could have a gargoyle clinging up on the ceiling just a few feet above you, watching you, but you would never be able to see it. That is how well they can blend into their surroundings.

Read the whole thing. It's getting good.

Caspar & Lonnie Meet a Demon

Another chapter in the exciting serial of Caspar and Lonnie by our friend, the inimitable Oengus Moonbones.

You may have missed the 2nd episode, Evening at the Mall, which I link here for your convenience. It came out shortly after my initial post on which I mentioned the series. I only hope the man continues this intriguing saga.