Geometric Purity Fail

The dispenser on the refrigerator where I work is labeled Ice Cubes. But you could hardly call what came out when I pushed the lever "cubes". They would be best described as "the round half of a semi-circle."

They were CINOs: Cubes In Name Only.

Sure they functioned as ice, chilling my cola thoroughly. But I kept thinking "Why aren't you cubes like you say you are? Do you just want to fit in the round glass better and that is why you've compromised on your shape? And how will we ever restore the French Monarchy?" I didn't voice these thoughts aloud like I wanted to; someone might have walked in the kitchen and heard me. But I don't think the faux cubes would have cared. They were too busy smiling at each other like Cheshire cats: "Look how cool we all are!"

I looked at the glass filled with cola and phony cubes for what seemed like a minute but was actually only about fifty-seven seconds, give or take a few. Finally I made a firm decision. I fished out each of the phony cubes with a spoon and threw them in the sink. It was a stainless steel spoon made in the USA, not one of those new plastic ones that only looks like it's made of metal.

Satisfied that I had made the right decision, I picked up my partially flat cola and returned to my cube. As usual, I couldn't help noticing as I entered my cube that it is actually rectangular and missing two sides.

Laughable

The espionage community must be absolutely aghast after hearing about the military ban on removable media. They must be shivering in their boots. How will they do their spying stuff without being allowed to possess criminal tools such as removable media? Excerpt:

According to the report, Maj. Gen. Richard Webber, commander of Air Force Network Operations issued a "Cyber Control Order" on Dec. 3 instructing airmen to immediately stop using removable media on the Defense Department's secret network. The other branches of the military have reportedly received similar directives.

The order is a response to the leaking of thousands of classified diplomatic cables and documents to the whistleblower site WikiLeaks, which has come under international scrutiny for publishing the names of military and intelligence informants.

Army Pfc. Bradley Manning, who was arrested in May and charged in connection with the leaks, allegedly downloaded classified materials to a CD disguised as a Lady Gaga album.

This is so laughable. Let's court martial soldiers for having a digital camera in their possession. Digital camera's, as you know, use removable media. Let's go through everyone's CD collection and listen to every disk to make sure it's authentic. Full cavity searches for mini SD cards? We're all in--I'll take the women's line, thanks.

While we're at it, let's also ban guns to stop violent crime. Banning things always works so well.