Friday, June 13th: This Is Your Lucky Day, Punk
There are two Tonys1 in the news right now due to that wretched Supreme court decision. But there is only one Tony you need to know about, and that is St. Anthony.
St. Anthony is trying to get my ass (i.e., soul) to heaven and helps me find things all the time on earth. Maybe you should be praying to him also; if you are like me, you lose things all the time. Yep, we're losers.
Now that I've insulted you, check out a passage from one of my favorite saint stories, the "Sermon to the Fishes". I first read this little story in a book called "Flowers of Saint Francis", but here's my source for the electronic version:
At last St Anthony, inspired by God, went down to the sea-shore, where the river runs into the sea, and having placed himself on a bank between the river and the sea, he began to speak to the fishes as if the Lord had sent him to preach to them, and said: "Listen to the word of God, O ye fishes of the sea and of the river, seeing that the faithless heretics refuse to do so."
No sooner had he spoken these words than suddenly so great a multitude of fishes, both small and great, approached the bank on which he stood, that never before had so many been seen in the sea or the river. All kept their heads out of the water, and seemed to be looking attentively on St Anthony's face; all were ranged in perfect order and most peacefully, the smaller ones in front near the bank, after them came those a little bigger, and last of all, were the water was deeper, the largest.
When they had placed themselves in this order, St Anthony began to preach to them most solemnly, saying: "My brothers the fishes, you are bound, as much as is in your power, to return thanks to your Creator, who has given you so noble an element for your dwelling; for you have at your choice both sweet water and salt; you have many places of refuge from the tempest; you have likewise a pure and transparent element for your nourishment. God, your bountiful and kind Creator, when he made you, ordered you to increase and multiply, and gave you his blessing. In the universal deluge, all other creatures perished; you alone did God preserve from all harm. He has given you fins to enable you to go where you will. To you was it granted, according to the commandment of God, to keep the prophet Jonas, and after three days to throw him safe and sound on dry land. You it was who gave the tribute-money to our Saviour Jesus Christ, when, through his poverty, he had not wherewith to pay. By a singular mystery you were the nourishment of the eternal King, Jesus Christ, before and after his resurrection. Because of all these things you are bound to praise and bless the Lord, who has given you blessings so many and so much greater than to other creatures."
At these words the fish began to open their mouths, and bow their heads, endeavouring as much as was in their power to express their reverence and show forth their praise. St Anthony, seeing the reverence of the fish towards their Creator, rejoiced greatly in spirit, and said with a loud voice: "Blessed be the eternal God; for the fishes of the sea honour him more than men without faith, and animals without reason listen to his word with greater attention than sinful heretics."
"Animals without reason." Hear that, Dog? I know many people scoff at this sort of story, but it totally makes sense to me. Fish seem to be more well-disposed to hear the Gospel that birds or monkeys, even after you shoot the monkeys with tranquilizer darts or figure out a way to get the birds to shut up for five minutes. And what about humans? There's a real miracle for ya.
So maybe St. Anthony will help you "find" a fish on your plate tonight since it's Friday, along with a Miller High Life or two since it's the man's feast day. Or you can do the whole sardines and sangria thing from the aforementioned page if you're into Portuguese customs.
Notes:
1) One of the Tonys is admittedly more accurately a Tonin.
Great fish story!
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