I imagine this might be what Helen of Troy's little sister would look like if held for ransom at the court of PeeWee Herman, but that's just me, and because I've enjoyed Mollie Hemingway's writing to date.
Let this be a warning to all: a "selfie" is anything but. It captures everything in its gaping optical maw, Federalist princesses, the defiled corpses of innocent oysters, anything and everything, and yokes them to its agenda of the moment for eternity
But now it's your turn. Write the caption of what this photo is saying to you.