Saturday, August 29, 2009

Couldn't find many good Ted Kennedy jokes online

I was really disappointed, but I found a few. They were from really dumb sites which contained some I didn't like for various reasons, so I'm not going to bother linking them. But since we're assuming Ted went to Heaven (right?) we know he'll be laughing at these. Let's laugh along with him, shall we.

Ted Kennedy has been sober since August 25, 2009.

Q: Why did Teddy Kennedy's staff call him "Mr. Bookmark"?
A: He can most often be found wedged between two pages.

Ted Kennedy had a plan to stimulate the Auto industry, but his program was called “Cash for Kerplunkers”.

How did people find out Ted was dead? He didn’t show up to the bar this morning.

With news of Ted’s death, the Massachusetts liquor industry is now going to need a bailout.

Q: What did Ted Kennedy's office staff do when they need to refill the
petty cash drawer?
A: Turn in all of Teddy's empties.

If the Liberals can talk about Camelot then we can talk about the Lady in the Lake.

Ted Kennedy never became president because unlike George Washington, he couldn’t cross a river.

Q: What do you call a Kennedy, vodka, and water?
A: A fuzzy recollection.

Ted Kennedy would have passed away a long time ago if only the government could find a safe place to bury his liver.

Did you hear the latest about Iran? There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that Jane Fonda is going to Tehran. The good news is that Ted Kennedy is driving her to the airport.

Q: How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two: one to hold the lightbulb, and one to drink until the room spins.

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