Monday, September 15, 2014

How to be the most successful TAC blogger in history

Suggest while never actually saying so that there's no side of any issue that you don't ultimately support.

That way, no matter what someone feels or believes, they will applaud you for speaking for them. That's how you build blogosphere market share, by becoming the rhetorical form that will embrace not only whatever content happens to be trending at any given moment, but, most importantly, all sides of it simultaneously.

That guy: he said what you were thinking. And what that other guy who was arguing against you yesterday was thinking, too. And what that woman who disagrees with both of you was thinking. Why, if it didn't look on the surface like a thoughtful, passionate opinion, you might have confused it for a Friday NPR news roundup.

What is TAC's "alt-conservatism"? Well, what would you like it to be? What alt-conservative values would make you like TAC the most? Exactly: just what you suggested, that's exactly what TAC stands for, too, and why you should become a subscriber today.

That ain't working, that's the way you do it. Money for nothing and your clicks for free.


  1. You aren't describing a rhetorical form, you're describing rhetorical prime matter.

  2. One reason I'm beginning to enjoy TAC more and more now is that it's really more of a role playing game than a conservative magazine, a place where surely all the Asian chicks are large-breasted nymphs interested only in you, a place where your avatar can select and run the scenario that fits it best.

    Like this one:

    I don’t have a lot of interest in foreign policy, but religious freedom is an issue that I really do care about, and the persecution of the ancient Christian churches and communities of the Middle East is of particular concern. The idea that these desperate people would be potentially sent to their deaths because Israel’s American backers — especially among American Christians like Ted Cruz — will not allow them a hearing because these Middle Easterners do not share their views on Israel — well, it’s infuriating.

    "Dude! See, I ran it like this. This Ted Cruz dude had rented a hall all to himself where all he wanted to do was give a speech about Israel. Pretty selfish, huh? But then these desperate people from persecuted churches in the Middle East started to gather outside, all crying and stuff. And all they wanted to do was to be heard, dude! That's all they wanted from the Cruz dude who'd rented the hall to make the speech! But he wouldn't even give them a hearing, dude! He wouldn't even give them a hearing! Know why? Because they wouldn't come up on the stage with him one by one, state their name and their church affiliation, and swear to stand with Israel. Can you believe that? And then he booed them, dude! Booed them! So I just blew the whole place up with hyper-lasers, dude. Only way to be sure.

    Hey, you're sister's looking good these days, dude. She's part Asian, right?"