Friday, February 27, 2015

How to explain the Benedict Option to your friends

You might not be able to explain the Benedict Option to all your friends because, let's face it, at heart understanding the Benedict Option requires a consciousness raised to that level which can grasp how a bear, a snake, a kangaroo, a fish, and a Buick are all the same thing. Those with their consciousness already raised to a high enough level immediately "get it" and intuitively grasp how all these things are the same: they're all something.

But this is hard for people of lesser intelligence to "get", so let me try to explain so that you, too, can understand the emperorograph that is the true Benedict Option rather than one of those mistaken or deliberately falsified representations enemies of the Benedict Option are likely to promulgate.

The Benedict Option is like a bear but it isn't a bear and, because it has fur, it's also like a kangaroo, but of course it isn't a kangaroo either, silly, and because, like a kangaroo, it has a flexible, sinuous tail it's also like a snake, but of course, and please stop being so obtuse here, because it has those things sticking out of the bigger middle part of it, it's very much like a fish as well, but of course as we know - right, it isn't a fish - but it is like a Buick because, like a bear, it's really big and heavy.

So, having raised our consciousness to this point, what do we all now understand about the Benedict Option? Right, the Benedict Option is something. Something. Not Nothing. Not the emptiness between the stars, which really isn't empty anyway, nor the rampant nihilism of doubting things that fall out of the hole in the front of my face, but something. Important. Something.

Okay, for those of you folks out there who might be slowly banging a cooking pot against the side of your head or whose education might amount to something different from four whole years of college plus a real journalism degree, let's go through the Benedict Option one more time. The Benedict Option is like a Buick. Why? Right, because it's big and heavy like a bear, which has openings on both ends, like fish, which has those things sticking out from that middle part like, what? Right, a kangaroo, which has a tail which reminds us of a snake.

Like I said, not everyone can "get it", and if you're now one of the ones who does, you can justifiably pat yourself on the back and stop worrying what that person down the hall really thinks about you or why that girl laughed at you that time. Because you get it, and that makes you special.

And don't let anyone tell you any differently or try to make you question your understanding of the Benedict Option as I've just explained it to you, because that's exactly how you can detect the corrosive effects of our nihilistic postmodern culture trying to insinuate itself into the very heart of your life: it tries to get you to doubt me and the importance and value of the Benedict Option as I've just explained it to you.

Now, slowly, patiently, go forth and explain this to your friends just as I have for you and put them on notice that soon there will be a book out, with pictures, explaining just what you heard here in exquisite 4-color separation detail. Preordering details as I get them.


  1. The piece you're referring to is a classic in bread-buttering, even by Dreher standards. It takes a piece of a review of a book that Dreher hasn't read yet and turns it into the signal work of art for keeping the flame of Western Christian Civilization alive during these Dark Ages. Awfully high praise for a murder mystery (yes, a murder mystery) from an obscure publisher that was reviewed on an obscure blog.

    Seems to me that someone is laying the groundwork for a good review of his forthcoming book. Said someone sure had to tie himself and his B.O. up into knots to do it, tho -- the review had better be worth it.

    1. And we wonder why Dreher continues falling suddenly, inexplicably, head over heels in love with not quite as obscure blog columnist Charles Featherstone?