O Muse! O Seuss!
It's possible that no one on the GOP side of the political divide will ever receive a phone call asking for financial support ever again, now that a gracious billionaire like Trump is running things. But just in case we do get a fund-raising call, we now have the words to give to the script-reader in this brand new political world:
I filed my papers about a week ago. Everybody is amazed at the numbers. I'm very liquid. To finance a billion dollars I would have to sell a building, have to do something like that. Will I do that? I could. I have the option of doing it. I have a lot of cash and cash flow. Would I do that? I don't know. I have the option of doing it.
Will I do that? I could. I have the option of doing it. This is AWESOME. It is just what we'd been looking for. We finally have the words to use. It's entirely open-ended — it has the sound of a yuuuge promise to those praising the new emperor's wardrobe, but it's really just a tiny little shoulder shrug to the real people who actually have to hand cash money to other real people to buy groceries, light bulbs, etc. Plus it has that great Dr. Seuss ring to it:
Will I do that?
I could!
Would I do that?
I don't know.
The Cat in the Hat couldn't have phrased it any more poetically. Or convincingly.
So the tele-fund-raisers will start off their scripts by asking for $200.00 and I'll say "Will I give you $200.00? I don't know. I could. I have the option of doing that." And I'll wait t see if they offer me anything. This is all about the art of the deal. I've been giving too much away, you see, for signed photos of Bush and Romney. Now I want something real, something great.
So they'll ask if I can give the "minimum" of $45.00 and I'll say, "Would I do that? I don't know. I'm very liquid. I have the option of doing that. Who knows," and other short sentences, again waiting to see if the person can actually close the deal. I'm thinking that instead of a signed photo maybe they could get me a signed contract with my business and I'll make it $122.50.*
I'm hopeful that Mr. Trump has figured out how to Make Fund-raising Scripts Great Again since he has no doubt gotten his share of them in his lifetime from people making more that $11.00/hour. We'll have to wait and see.
* - Yes, I know that sounds like quid pro quo, but this is a brand new political era. Get with it, people.
All during this campaign, Trump's been given a pass on not having clear policy positions. That's just detail stuff, we hear. He'll appoint the "best people", "terrific people", who will take care of those things.
ReplyDeleteBut I fear that Trump himself is a detail guy. When he does say something of substance, it's generally a tactical thing, like the wall, or eliminating gun-free zones, or punishing women who procure abortions, or making Apple build stuff in the US, or this idea about selling a building. The birther business with Obama was along the same lines. "Making great deals", "better deals", is a tactical thing, not a strategic concept much less an overall objective.
So what we get with Trump is a process and detail guy without policy principles. Yet he's demonstrated his ignorance about the process and details that he'll be called upon to manage.
Unfit for the office, I'm afraid. Bad times ahead.