OK, I admit it

I have a taste for completely insane writing. Every once in awhile I come across something on the internet that I have to read until the end. It's like a roller coaster—you can't get off until it stops. So here's the latest, and I'll excerpt my favorite parts below with all misspellings and grammatical errors left intact.

Lets go back a few thousands of Years when the Hebrews were taken from the hands of the Great Pharoah of Egypt. This was planned even before Moses came into being. It was Lord Enlil's Wonderful Idea to distablize the Reigns of Control from the EN KI TITES. From the Rebel Reptilian Queen and her nasty Grey Co-horts.

Lord Enlil's henchmen helped the Hebrews to leave Bondage only to become Pawns for Lord Enlil. The So Called Promised Land was Canaan , the Lands of the Giants, the Sons of Olympus. The Hebrews Wondered for 40years in the Wilderness and then after this Terrible Ordeal in the Wilderness the Hebrews were Conditioned and Trained to become Bloodthirsty Warriors, they had 40 Years of Training by Lord Enlil's Canus Warriors via Extraterrestrial Intervention.

The Hebrews had to follow Orders Period if they didn't the Canus UFO's would drop nasty Snakes to Bite the Hebrews and Poison them untill they served the Will of Lord Enlil ( Yahweh ). Many Hebrews Died by these Snakes and the Hebrews out of Great Fear from the Kods above surrendered their Free Will to the Will of Lord Enlil. The Hebrews became a tuned Army like no other and basically Marched to the Land of Caanan and with the Help of Enlils Space Ships they attacked Canaan.

The Canaanites were Powerful Titans with Awsome Size & Strength and they saw the Attack coming but they did not see the Cloaked Spaceships of Lord Enlil. The Armies marched towards the Cananite Army, the Hebrews engaged the Titans and were basically squashed like mash Potatoes but the Spaceships above launched a really good Assault which caused Panic among the Giants , this Panic was the Adavantage the Hebrews Needed to Kill every Man , Woman & Child in Canaan, Including the Large Beasts which fed the Colony.

So to this Day the Hebrews are not Free, they are Pawns and Slaves. How about Abraham he was played with Emotionally to kill his beloved Son on the Altar. Many Humans Fight and Kill each other so that those who are Above Laugh , Riddicule and Entertain themselves for their own Amusements ( Those Being Extraterrestrials ).

So just who is really the Bad Guy here?, the Pharoah did make the Hebrews work their Asses off, but he did provide Work, Homes, Food & Shelter for his so called Slaves. Lord Enlil provided a Promised Land?, a Land flowing with Milk & Honey?, more Like a Land of Blood & Carnage.

Now lets look into the Future , we come across a Messiah , Jesus Christ the Lamb of Enlil. Preaching Peace , did anyone know that Barabas was the Son of Jesus? , many still do not know this, Jesus was a Pawn also to play with the Hearts of Men. He did a fabulous Job and he served Lord Enlil very well. We look into the Future after his Crucifixtion and what do we see?, we see the Church being formed from the Roman Empire, we see an Emporer by the name of Constantine who created the Bible to make himself a GOD/DOG (Canus King).

No, I did not "know" that Barabbas was the son of Jesus. I do know that every neo-gnostic like this dude likes to say Jesus had kids; I have no idea why. I also know that the name Barabbas means "Son of the Father" in Hebrew, which to me makes a much more interesting story since he was a robber, murderer and all around rabble-rouser who was released when Christ was condemned.

I also did not know that the Emperor Constantine created the Bible, evidently going back in time to do so. Neither did I have any idea that Jews are pawns and slaves even "to this day". I'm not sure that's completely true; at least some of the Jews out there are well off and have good jobs.

You'll have to RTWT if you want to get to the big Catholic-bashing paragraph and the small Islam-bashing sentence or two that he throws in for equal time. My only remaining question: why go out and pay money for Dan Brown pulp when you can get much richer stuff like this for free? And the grammatical mistakes just make it all more fun. Plus this guy throws a lot more capital letters into the mix than are required. Again, 100% free of charge.

Jim Schutze: "So I guess it's this: He's a weird guy."

Rod Dreher has proclaimed that he is "taking a break from blogging on the Catholic scandal" (code for "Not-Sure-How-To-Respond-To-Mark-Shea's-Critique-So-Hiding-For-Now") in order to post tasteful photos and learn Tai Chi. So we will turn to Jim Schultze, a former Dallas colleague of Dreher's, for substantive analysis of his religious viewpoint. Here's a teaser:

My Home Depot source happens to know Freedman, a journalism professor at Columbia, and called him to point out, just for grins, that Dreher actually believes in a syncretism of voodoo, Catholicism and vegetarianism (hence, Crunchy!), according to things he wrote here in Dallas.

I am unable to provide a link to The Dallas Morning News story that was perhaps the best example, an October 31, 2004 op-ed epistle headlined "A ghost in the family," but I can summarize: Various trailer-park-seeming misadventures the Dreher clan in Lousiana involving embezzlement, senility and late-life conjugation can be blamed on ghosts that had to exorcised by a Cajun lady who started vibrating violently and burned her hand when she touched the photo of the dead slut who had come back to haunt the socks off Rod. My Home Depot comrade felt that Dreher was not the one to be looking down his Coonass nose at Haitians and wrote to Freedman to tell him.

Read the whole thing; it's amusing.

Re: vegetarianism: I think Mr. Schutze is off here; he doesn't know about the sacramental chickens. However I don't know the word for vegetable-worship either.

Someone in the comments provides a link to the "Ghost in the Family" story, which I just read. Schutze is a bit mistaken on the plot, but not the overall B-movie tenor. It's one of those stories in which the embellishments are painfully obvious and you can just sort of feel the artistic license flowing liberally like gravy over less flavorful mashed potatoes. Kind of reminded me of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman for some doubtlessly oblique reason.