On the Dante Trail trail: Week 1

While I was sleeping off that imaginary gut slug of Chef Boy-Ar-Dee goodness, Coalition of the Dante Trail Trail Followers follower Pikumatti has alterted us to the first Station of the Belly on our Dante Trail trail following quest, so, without further ado, let's get into it, shall we?

For the same reason that many seemingly staid professionals will anomalously hold their conventions in exotic cities populated on such occasions by stunning business women perched on impossibly high heels, the first Station of the Belly on our pilgrimage is, naturally, Buca Mario, where, as Pik has already mentioned, Rod and his Beatrice "Casella" dined on bistecca fiorentina, Tuscan white beans in olive oil, and a Brunello di Montalcino, as well as pappardelle with cinghiale (wild boar) ragu, and a salad of fresh sliced porcini mushrooms, shaved Pecorino, and a kind of greens they couldn’t quite identify.

First the mysterious "Casella", then mystery greens! Is it any wonder Rod Dreher is a far more intriguing subject to himself than Dante or anything else in Creation for that matter? But before we explore the mystery of the greens, I'm certain our Dante Trail trail followers will have some searching if not astringent questions concerning those Tuscan white beans.

To the point, were they properly prepared to rid them of their earthly oligosaccharides? Boiling them too long would render their delicately bland mealy texture indelicate while robbing them of flavor, so prolonged soaking would have to have been mandated. But was it? That's obviously another mystery. To get the full wind of this problem we are fortunate enough to have Pasquale Buonifagio's treasured parchment fragment as our source and guide:

Fagioli , fagioli la frutta musicale
Quanto più si mangia , più si toot
Quanto più si toot , meglio si sente
Quindi cerchiamo di avere fagioli con ogni pasto!

Pedants may quibble about some of the more superficial points raised, But I think Buonifagio has long ago settled this for most rightthinking individuals. Still, in addition to the mystery of the Tuscan white bean preparation there remains the mystery of one single or multiple rooms, obviously a factor in any subsequent revelations on the subject.

And now to the greens. Our Dante follower would have immediately identified kale if it were included, so, given the circumstances, our best guess must point us to some gaily deceiving combo of Swiss chard, escarole, and broccoli rabe, or maybe just rapini alone, whatever any of those happen to be. Me, I'm happy with plain old mustard greens with a little hot pepper sauce.

But, ultimately, our Dante Trail trail following has already pointed us to a potentially lucrative business opportunity: supplying Buca Mario with a steady inventory of cheap and plentiful wild hogs at a ridiculous markup. Unfortunately, we may have competition on this wild hog offshoot leg of the Dante Trail trail.

Stay tuned.