Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Pauli blows chance to get on TV by being his usual laconic, abrasive, sarcastic self

I probably won't make the evening news since I'm such a smart-ass, but honestly I hadn't even heard of the big pope euthanasia rumor. I was approached by a channel 19 news-chick going up the steps of St. John's at Noon today. It went kind of like this:

news19chick: Excuse me sir... I know mass is starting... have you heard about the story... I mean you're a good Catholic, right?... the Roman Catholic church claims to be against euthanasia... an Italian physician said the Pope didn't have to die.... what do you think?

pauli: Sounds like Godfather three.

cameraman: [laughs]

news19chick: uhh... O... K... more... give me more, I need more, can you give me more thoughts....

pauli: Well, I thought the first two Godfather films were a lot better.

I then turned around and went into the cathedral for Mass. Like I said, I doubt they'll run that.

I try to look on the bright side of things. At least she's not out making porno movies.

Father Jonathan deals with the whole non-story here in a more substantive way than I did.

Mr. Coppola, I hate to tell you this, but your beard could have done a better acting job than your daughter.

UPDATE: Finished watching the channel 19 news at 11PM and they ran the story about the Italian doctor, the feeding tube, blah, blah, blah... but they didn't show anyone they man-in-the-street-interviewed. That's funny because they hung around outside the Cathedral all through Mass and were there interviewing 3 or 4 people when I was on my way to lunch with a friend. We were laughing; obviously the daily Mass crew isn't composed of the types to say "No... really? You don't say! Wow! I knew Pope John Paul II was a big hypocrite!"

Platonic Paulihedra

You can't make anything up anymore. Like for instance, I was just in the men's room polishing my head with a damp paper towel when I imagined an internet quiz called "Which regular polyhedron are you?" This caused me to chuckle about how clever and original my ideas are.

Precautionary googling revealed that of course, such a thing already exists, duh.

I guess the "cat's out the bag" as they say in my old nabe. I'm a D&D-style geek. But the odds of my readers not picking that up by now are approximately the same as successfully navigating an asteroid field, i.e., 3,720 to 1. That's equivalent to rolling a 7 on a dodecahedron 310 times in a row.

I am a d12

So what do you think? Is the quiz accurate? I'm especially anxious to read Tom's assessment of this quiz.

"You are the rare, the overlooked, yet incredibly useful dodecahedron: the d12. You are a creative, romantic soul. You often act without thinking, but make up for your lack of plans with plenty of heart. You easily solve problems that stump others, but your answers tend to put you into even deeper trouble. You write long, detailed backgrounds for all your characters, and are most likely to dress up as one or get involved in cos-play. You can be silly at times and are easily distracted by your own day dreams, but are at the end of the day you're someone who can be depended on."

Doesn't mention that I can be duplicated by an old 6-sided die and a coin toss, heads add six. So much for "incredible usefulness."

Monday, September 24, 2007

"In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country"

Ahmadinejad uttered this lie at Columbia and was rewarded with jeers and laughing disbelief. It was in response to the (true) accusation that gays are routinely executed in Iran for their sexual preference.

It reminded me of Al Capone's famous lie: "There are no gangsters in Chicago." Riiiiiight.

Gays are not amused.

Sue You Like a Hurricane

Jonah's article on Dan Rather's $70 million lawsuit against CBS is a must-read. Excerpt:

Rather used to compare his job to “a very high trapeze act, frequently with no net.” Three years ago, he went splat in the bull’s-eye of the center ring. Now, with the circus long since out of town, he all of a sudden wants a net rolled out.

But you know what? I say, “You go, Dan!”

Frankly, we need this. And by “we,” I mean a grand coalition of people who delight in watching one of the 20th century’s most pompous gasbags fall from the top of the laughingstock tree and hit every branch on the way down. These are dour times, and if Gunga Dan and Hurricane Dan and What’s-The-Frequency-Kenneth Dan want to trade their Afghan robes, yellow windbreakers and enormous tinfoil hats for some baggy pants, bright-orange wigs and floppy shoes, I say let them. I just hope all of the Dans show up at the courthouse in a teensy-weensy clown car.

Jonah's right; Rather suing CBS is a win-win for conservatives, sensibility and a room full of lawyers. I doubt "The Dan" will be able to take the mega-corp down; besides, another millionaire news anchor is currently giving Rather a run for his money at that task via her abysmally low ratings.