Friday, January 26, 2007

Friday Wrap-up #1

Thanks all of you who tuned in for this short premiere week of Contra Pauli. Thanks for nothing, that is. But if you feel like you've benefited from this so far, tell all your internet friends and send me money.

OK, smart religious people, here's an eschatological question: which American League baseball team would the Antichrist be more likely to play for: the Cleveland Indians or the New York Yankees? My opinion? Say what you will about Cleveland, but I don't see them signing the Antichrist in a million years, whereas I'll bet the Yankees would sign him in a New York minute.

Also, if you happen to see a old Mercedes with the windows down and this sticker in the back window, tell the owner he's double-parked.

Veiled References

Wow, only Day 3 of this blog and it seems to be rife with veiled references. The most glaring example comes from Kathleen the comboxer when she reminds me that we should be "discussing saints feast days". Yeah, I get it. She left this comment yesterday (Jan 25) and coincidentally, cough, cough, yesterday's feast was The Conversion of Saint Paul. Since he's my name saint and I happen to be a Catholic convert this is supposed to give focus to the whole Convert vs. Cultural/Tribal Catholic thingy, I'll warrant.

You will notice I used the word thingy, which, to my knowledge is not a theological nor a technical term. That is because a distinction of this type between Roman Catholics is relatively, if not completely, meaningless. Look up all the meanings of tribe in the dictionary. It's about as useful and precise a term as thingy.

You may fire when ready.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Blogs Don't Kill People....

Shooting one's self in the foot literally would probably have to be accomplished with a firearm. Accidentally doing so with a bow and arrow is harder to imagine, aside from maybe during a scene in a slap-stick movie. The action of a bow is simply too painstaking and deliberate. Likewise composing, writing and mailing an angry letter which scars you for life requires an disproportionate amount of deliberation compared to, say, writing a quick email which is then forwarded to thousands of people instantly. This could be compared to an semi-automatic, to stretch my shot foot analogy.

That would make an Internet Weblog analogous to an AK-47. Excepting that they are available to the general public. For free.

I've never fired a fully automatic weapon, but I suppose you don't have to aim very much. Say there's a Hummer to the left of the guy you want to kill and an Escalade on his right. You just notice which SUV you're shooting and move your left arm accordingly.

Before this hijacked and strained analogy breaks down further, let me hot wire another one. You've heard many times the slogan Guns don't kill people, people kill people. There is truth in that, but the saying shouldn't be used carelessly. The availability of a weapon can obviously facilitate a disastrous event. An acquaintance of mine who had trouble holding down a job had been going through a difficult time in his life. He had an offer for a security guard position and he had the experience. But it would have required him to possess and carry a sidearm. In a discussion, he leveled with me, "I just can't have a gun in my house right now."

That's somewhat like a danger I've noticed with some bloggers. They might do better without a blog in their possession. My experience is that it occurs especially to those who write what I call a "kitchen sink blog". You have a blog which gives your opinion on everything that enters your thoughts, no matter how, well..... questionable is the word I'll use, and pretty soon you're doing nothing more than reacting spasmodically. You hear the story of the rape of a teenager and it involves her "My Space" page so you scribble off something like "THE INTERNET MUST BE SHUT DOWN!". On your internet blog. Missing the irony completely.

That's a manufactured example, to be sure, and maybe not the best. So here's another example. A blogger throws an temper tantrum in multiple blogposts about someone who disagreed with his friend, Dave, by saying something like, "Dave must have been having a severely blond moment not to have thought through the implications of his ridiculous idea." In the midst of the blogger's written fit, a theory is advanced by him or a third-party comboxer that goes something like this: "Wow, it's pretty clear that Dave really, really touched a nerve with this monkey-headed-ass-brain."

I would suggest that is clear that someones nerve has been really, really touched. Really. And it's fairly clear whose.

My conclusions? First: if you criticize a critic for criticizing you should prepare for some criticism. Second: at the very least, please develop a better sense of irony whether or not you have a decent sense of humor.

We're off to a rousing start!

Thanks to everyone who attacked me yesterday. Andy Nowicki wins a prize for exposing my poor memory of the Rocky films. What can I say? the guys who nicknamed me were bigga fans....

Diane was a bit more sheepish in the comments, but she sent me an email stating I was "mad as a hatter" which I believe is some kind of veiled reference to sniffing glue. Am I right? Fortunately for my brain cells I haven't done that in a while.

Kathleen derided me as being derivative. She's probably right; my wife says I derive her crazy. Yuk, yuk. (Hey, Kathleen, how's that Business Transaction blog coming? Is that going to be derivative?)

I'll have more dirt up on myself later. I have to do some work now, OK!?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I am a LIAR!

When I started this blog merely hours ago, I added a sitemeter which you can get free from the sitemeter site. There's a standard way that you can start the counter at a different number other than zero. So I chose 120 as the starting number. Just to stroke my enormous ego and "to appear bigger".

Technically, that's a lie. People lie on their blogs. They just do. Get over it. At least I admitted it.

Monday, January 22, 2007


I just squeezed a huge idea out of my brilliant and fertile mind and thanks to modern technology, it has already begun to grow at a cancerous pace. This blog will represent my boldest move in the blogosphere to date in that I will, for the first time, formally become my own worst enemy. I will leverage other people’s infinite malice to generate hits to all my vast internet real estate holdings. And all that happy horse product.

(I think at this point I'm supposed to throw back my head and exclaim, "Mwooa, ha, ha!")

So here's your chance to say all the horrible things you wanted to say directly to me, but have heretofore been unable, lacking a suitable medium. Personal attacks welcome. Sign up for your 30-day trial today. Visa and Master Card accepted.