Thursday, December 23, 2010

A letter from Bishop Joseph Goebbels

Pretty apro-freaking-pos, methinks.

From Bishop Joseph Goebbels D.D.

I am writing on behalf of the Church of Adolf Hitler (pbuh), formerly known as the Nazi Party.

Having decided to transform ourselves into a religion, we have abandoned all worldly ambitions, and intend to concentrate on our higher spiritual objectives of non-violent global conquest, compassionate enslavement of inferior peoples, and peaceful extermination of the Jews.

Since we are now a religion rather than a political movement, we demand the following rights and privileges appropriate to our new identity:

- An end to Naziphobia in the media, especially war films showing the Nazis in a bad light.

- Tax exemption for all places of worship including airfields, munitions factories, extermination camps etc.

- Destruction of all blasphemous cartoons of Adolf Hitler(pbuh) produced in the Second World War.

- An apology from the British government for the campaign of Naziphobia waged by Winston Churchill, and the hurt feelings inflicted on the Afrika Korps at El Alamein by the Naziphobic bigot Montgomery.

- An apology from the American government for the insensitivity by the raging Naziphobe Eisenhower in failing to forewarn Nazi community leaders of the D-Day landings, which caused much distress among the peaceloving Nazis holidaying in Northern France.

- Burning 'Mein Kampf' must become a hate crime punishable by hanging with piano wire.

- Application of our parallel legal system known as 'The Gestapo' must be enforced in so-called 'democratic' countries.

- We demand affirmative action, in the interests of community cohesion, to promote Nazis to high positions in the security services.

- We demand government funding for the expansion of our youth activities, which play a vital role in keeping the younger generation out of trouble, and concentrate their minds on wholesome activities such as rallies, processions, camps, pogroms etc.

- The occasional Blitzkrieg invasions of sovereign states must not be portrayed in the media as being typical of Nazis as a whole, since this leads to Naziphobia. Rather they must be shown to be the work of a tiny minority of extremists who have hijacked a peaceful spiritual movement.

Peace in our time and Heil Hitler!
- Bishop Joseph Goebbels

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Tale of BeoBilly

Tony Esolen On Mythical Candidates

Tony Esolen left an eloquent comment on Deal Hudson's defense of Archbishop Dolan and Bill Donohue which speaks perfectly for nearly all of us informed practicing Catholics. There is really only one choice in any given political race, and that is whether to vote for a Republican or not to vote at all. The comment is about halfway down the page; here's an excerpt:

They are allergic to the full and vibrant interplay of religious faith and public life; they are the ones who would sue, or who would look the other way while someone else sued, if a football coach -- horrors -- should join with his team before a game in prayer;

Want more? They do not believe that the family is PRIOR to the state, and has legitimate rights that the State must recognize; they do not, therefore, believe in free association (see the Boy Scouts again), the freedom upon which the Catholic principle of subsidiarity is based.

I'm a Catholic father and homeschooler, and I think I know my enemies.

But even if I am wrong about this, and I had a choice between voting for your two mythical candidates, I would apply my Principle of the Autobahn. Candidate A is worthless; Candidate B would build the Autobahn and fix the economy and make us all proud of ourselves again and round up innocent people to be incarcerated (and then gassed or starved or shot).

I vote for Candidate A, or I stay home. I will not vote for a Nazi. I will not vote for a pro-abortion candidate, period. That's not single-issue voting. It's a filter, or a block. If you served me a plate of French cuisine with excrement on it, well, I'd decline the honor of the meal; and it would not be single-entree dining, either. You give me two reasonable people with the moral sensibility of the average retriever, and then I'll have a genuine choice. Give me Al Smith and Herbert Hoover, and then I'll have things to think about.

Many people know that the "single-issue voter" accusation is a canard, but Mr. Esolen succinctly explains why the behavior unfairly labeled thus is actually more thoughtful than the "enlightened" liberal approach.

Another thought: I agree partially with those who cast blame at the Republican Party for not doing more when in power to fight legalized abortion. But I can't agree fully, mainly due to one thing: money. When a woman decides to abort, the revenue generated from the procedure lubricates the lobbying gears and helps fund the Democrat machine. If the same woman decides not to, the Republicans make $0. The deck is stacked.