Sunday, March 8, 2015

Apology Melodramatics

If you are at a Justin Bieber concert and you spy a young lad and lassie making out furiously in the aisle, let me be the first to acknowledge something. It is possible that these two sincerely love each other and in ten years will be happily married with three kids and a nice house in the suburbs. But let me also be the first to point out that no one would fault you if you thought these two were at least to some degree just using each other and were dispensing with any self-respect they might have, trading it for stimulation in the passion and heat of the moment.

Likewise no one would fault you if you doubted the sincerity of a quadruple apology made publicly on a blog by someone who was virtually unknown to four better-known people for unspecified offenses. Even if the apologizer uses the strongest terms for himself in order to appear self-flagellatory — demonic and satanic, for instance — the fact that one of them didn't even know he had attacked him might detract from the perception of seriousness on the part of third party passers-by. I hope that no one who really feels the need to apologize to me ever decides to just throw me into a category of people-I-may-have-offended-if-they-knew-who-I-was-and-what-I-said and then thinks they've done something unburdening and praiseworthy by making an impassioned public apology, chewing the scenery like a starved chihuahua. Just say it to me directly and privately; email is fine.

I should point out that this is by no means the first public apology which sounds somewhat phony. The whole public apology industry is problematic even if you can afford speech-writers.

I imagine you might hear a security guard at that Bieber concert whisper to another, "See her over there, making out with that dude? She's that hate-mail chick who's trying to get back-stage." Then you hear the other one nod and say "Got it. I'll keep an eye."

31 comments:

  1. I don't doubt the sincerity of Owen's apologies, but I can't help noticing how selective they are. In the fairly recent past, Owen has treated certain Catholics (including me and John Beeler) with vituperative nastiness that about took my breath away. So far, no apologies directed toward us, at least that I can see. I guess we're not well known enough. Or maybe it's just that we're the Dread Heterodox or something. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So the "devil made him do it" when he attacked Dreher and some priests. But when he attacked the Catholics I guess that wasn't the devil.

      It all makes sense, I suppose, if you possess whatever secret knowledge they have.

      Delete
  2. And, of course,Dreher immediately weighs in with sick-making triumphalism. Who didn't see that coming?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I'm reading you correctly, Diane, you're saying Dreher now has an apology from Owen White to count among his other triumphs.

      I guess life just hands some people all the chips, doesn't it.

      Delete
    2. Asking for forgiveness from a specific person, and that person's granting of that forgiveness, is the sort of thing that really ought to be done privately. Else it risks coming off more as self-congratulation than it does forgiveness.

      As in this case. For example (emphasis added):

      But clearly this Owen White had come to some sort of realization that he was demonically obsessed with me and these three priests, and was asking God to free him from those obsessions. Our role — the three priests and me — was to forgive him so that grace could flow freely to him. I went to confession the next day and confessed grudges I held against others, so those people and I can partake of that saving grace. So this is the good that Owen’s appeal for mercy did for me...

      ...I say all this to give thanks to God for the great victory won in Owen’s repentance. I used this as an example to my children of what it means to fight and to defeat The Black Thing. I pointed out that my role, and the role of the three priests Owen asked to forgive him, was to participate in that victory by offering forgiveness....


      The picture that should have gone along with Dreher's post would be of two men, each patting themselves on the back and neither one looking at the other.

      Delete
    3. James C. says:
      March 9, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      "Owen made the worst Catholic convert imaginable. I too couldn’t read him anymore because of his spite and anger. I hope he’s made a definitive choice now, not for a particular church but for charity!

      May God grant him lasting peace. He’s got a long road ahead but one with an exalted destination. If there’s hope for him, there’s hope for that peanut gallery of rabid Rod Dreher anti-fans who seethe at everything he writes."

      [NFR: They are a sad little bunch. It's weirdly flattering to excite so much passion in perfect strangers to whom I have done nothing. The most pitiful of the lot took the time to write to say he wasn't going to come hear me speak in Dallas because it wouldn't be worth the trip. I had a perversely pleasure minute or so thinking about the kind of twisted mind that would think I cared. I know that one of those three committed a terrible sin in youth, one that might explain the subsequent derangement. The Owen story reminds me, though, that ultimately those people aren't my enemy; the Enemy is my enemy, and he has captured their hearts. For now. Owen's redemption prompted me to pray for them. Owen's story also reminded me how possessed I was of hatred of the Catholic bishops over what they did, or failed to do, regarding the child sex abuse scandal. Ultimately the only one my hatred destroyed was me. -- RD]

      Oh, let's examine this drooling, self-serving piety, shall we?

      I know that one of those three committed a terrible sin in youth, one that might explain the subsequent derangement.

      Really? Even if such an unverifiable claim is true - especially if such an unverifiable claim is true, what exactly is the role of dropping such a "mean girls" aside ("I happen to know she didn't wear panties to the prom. Maybe she just forgot them. Oh, I pray that was the reason.") into this of all possible posts?

      Like a moth near a flame, he just can't help himself. His reaction is purely pre-human, limbic, the twitch of nerve fiber.

      Even now, Ken Osmond is studying everything Dreher writes, just on the outside chance he's called back to serve up Eddie Haskell's finest hour.

      Somehow I doubt it ever dawns on Dreher's sycophants that Dreher and their sucking up to him both might just be another of God's tests - of crystalline pure shamelessness. "Peter, Michael...yeah, I forgave the chick that did that donkey show - she had kids to feed - but check this out. Outstanding!"

      Delete
    4. Oh my gosh, I think he was referring to me. I had an abortion and wrote about it in Patrick Madrid's Envoy Magazine.

      In 1997.

      Um, who is the obsessed one here?

      Delete
    5. Diane, I was going to make an open thread post (so as not to put something ugly above your lovely one) about Dreher's implicit blackmail ("I'll tell your sin! I'll tell!") in his "forgiveness", but now I think it must be a major post for Google to pick up, if only so the world will know the fecal gravity of Dreher's "forgiveness". It needn't even include this revelation - irrelevant to the debasement he brings to the whole process - but disarming him by doing so while exposing just how id-driven and un-Christian his piety is would be complete.

      After all, who knows how many others he's already succeeded with this sort of blackmail with?

      Delete
    6. I know that one of those three committed a terrible sin in youth...

      So... who are "those three"? Diane, Jonathan and yours truly? What are Keith and Pik? Chopped liver, I suppose.

      Delete
    7. I think wename should sue Dreher if he tries to name a terrible sin of youth we committed. The only thing he understands is someone making his wallet 6 figures lighter. Jonathan Carpenter

      Delete
  3. But wait, I forgot. Rod champions a God of Wrath. So much for that wussy Divine Mercy stuff.

    Mama Mia. Words fail me. Dime-store psychoanalysis and spiritual discernment from Mr. Narcissist himself? Lord have mercy on us all.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't know the details in this case, but a public atonement following a public sin may well be called for. If there was harm done by Owen White's post, is it being repaired by this post?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tom, I was going to say the same thing. Owen's confessor may have told him to make the public apology, perhaps as penance.

      As I mentioned, I have no problem with the apology itself. I question only its selectiveness. I have yet to hear word one from Owen -- and privately would be fine! -- for some of the nasty things he has said to me online. But that's ok; I don't expect it. It's just interesting, that's all.

      Delete
    2. Fair enough. I stand corrected on that point.

      Having said that, we typically see public atonement in the form of an after-the-fact recap. (e.g. after your typical NASCAR race: "Yeah, I talked to [X] afterward and told him I was sorry I wrecked him. We're good now ..."). IOW, the public statement isn't the vehicle for seeking and asking forgiveness.

      Because if it is, the public request can be sort of a blackmail -- the one publicly asked for forgiveness then has eyes on him to grant forgiveness (perhaps in a self-promoting way) or be criticized for not doing so. Either of which detracts from the forgiveness, IMO.

      Delete
    3. Not to mention that asking for forgiveness from a specific person on an obscure blog gives no guarantee that the injured party will even see it.

      Delete
    4. I agree, a private confession should generally precede a public confession.

      Delete
    5. The whole thing is thee-ater if I've ever seen thee-ater. Anyone who doesn't realize this probably thinks that pro-wrestling is "real".

      Delete
  5. Diane is hilarious. She reminds me of George Costanza when he demands an apology from an alcoholic played by James Spader: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_QfilVbAd4

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Rod! Or Rod-Minion! Or maybe you are Owen? [ waves ]

      Where exactly was I *demanding* an apology?

      "But that's OK; I don't expect it" would seem to indicate quite the reverse.

      Some people's reading-comprehension skills could use some polishing, methinks.

      Delete
    2. Oh, just deal with it, Mr. Bieber. Go back to Canada if you can't take a joke.

      Delete
  6. The thing about DreRod is that he really is not a very kind person. I remember when he and his bratback of "Under-employed Young White Men with Poor Social Skills" were blabbering on the Monomahkos Blog about how badly Met. Jonah was being treated in the OCA DreRod called a Trans-woman who has a blog an "Over circumcised Troll " and all of his bratpack clergy included thought that was the wittiest thing ever written..They just are not nice people. DreRod however has the audacity to whine about not being understood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! Yes, that is very much my impression.

      Rod says he was bullied during adolescence. So were a lot of us. It's a pretty common phenomenon.

      But there are two ways you can react to childhood bullying as you get older. One is to forgive and move on. The other is to become a bully yourself. Dreher has chosen the latter option.

      Delete
  7. I think Owen is being sincere at this time, but I wonder when he will switch back to Catholicism or maybe even become an atheist. He switches religions every couple of years it seems, so I don't think this is the end for him.

    Anthony

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree! I think he is very sincere. I believe he has experienced something profound. As this "something" came to him via a dream (which he is interpreting as supernatural), he is apparently taking it to mean that he should return to Orthodoxy.

      The problem with this is that people have all sorts of vivid dreams, which they take to indicate all sorts of different things. One of my friends once dreamed about a southwestern (Spanish-mission) church, where a kindly old friar showed her around, and she experienced the unconditional love of God flowing over her in waves. The dream was so vivid it seemed utterly real. Today she is a Catholic. (She was a lapsed Methodist at the time of her dream.)

      I know of other similar examples. Not to mention the various apparitions that have instantaneously converted people to Catholicism -- such as Our Lady's apparition to the young Jewish banker Alphonse Ratisbonne in January 1842.

      So, Owen's dream is perhaps not the most reliable thing to base a choice of communion on. ;)

      But, be that as it may, I do not doubt his sincerity for a moment.

      However, he himself has clearly recognized what a "fever swamp" (his term) American Convertodoxy can be. If he re-immerses himself in that world...well, how long will it be before the very issues that bothered him before start bothering him again?

      Not that we Catholics lack issues. We have plenty. But we are overall a relatively normal group. Yeah, we have our share of kooks, but we have a lot more than just the kooks. I mean, there are so dang many of us that we represent a huge cross-section -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. In Convertodoxy, the weird, the exotic, and the barking mad are much more prevalent. More concentrated, as it were. Smaller pond. More exotic frogs and fishies.

      Add to that the Russo-Byzantine LARPing, and you have a formula for mega-weirdness that makes ForChan look positively sane.

      Someone as gimlet-eyed as Owen is bound to notice this stuff sooner or later -- just as he has noticed it in the past.

      I too predict a return to Catholicism.

      I hope he doesn't opt for atheism instead. But it's been known to happen. As he himself has observed, Convertodoxy does seem to be some people's last way-station on the route to unbelief.

      I am praying for him and his family.

      Delete
    2. Oooh, I forgot to mention something crucial re my friend's dream: Years later she discovered that the mission church she'd seen was real. She happened upon it via the Internet. It looked exactly like the church in her dream. But she had never seen or heard of it before.

      Delete
    3. My general prediction for anyone who leaves the Catholic church is that they'll come back. We're the only people that will put up with their crap longterm.

      Delete
    4. I agree! I think he is very sincere. I believe he has experienced something profound. As this "something" came to him via a dream (which he is interpreting as supernatural), he is apparently taking it to mean that he should return to Orthodoxy.

      The problem is that I have rarely encountered anyone who has a talent for making paranormal events believable when reduced to words, either printed or spoken. That is probably why St. Paul referred to such experiences as inexpressible.

      I don't have any idea why people don't realize how they sound when they claim to have had these experiences. I guess it's just the bad habit of not listening to oneself.

      Delete
    5. Well, to be absolutely fair, I don't think Owen has described his dream experience anywhere in print or pixels. I know of it only via friends who contacted him and to whom he confided. But I don't think he went into any kind of detail with them. It remains a mystery. :D All I know is that it involved a recently deceased Orthodox priest. That's it.

      That Dreherrhean example OTOH...oy!!

      My general prediction for anyone who leaves the Catholic church is that they'll come back.

      Yeah, we're like the Hotel California. You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave.

      Delete
    6. Diane: I was reading along in this comment thread and was going to ask where Owen said that the experience he referred to was a dream. And here you say that you got it from someone who got it from Owen privately. So, I see that I didn't miss anything that Owen wrote online publicly, but I'm dismayed to see that you are revealing publicly something he confided to friends privately. Does this make you feel important? It will at least make anyone who's paying attention very careful about what they tell you privately, I suppose.

      Delete
    7. I was explicitly told that this was NOT a big secret. And no, it doesn't "make me feel important." I confess that I get really weary of being psychoanalyzed over the Internet airways.

      How on earth do you know how I feel? And where did you get your degree in psychiatry?

      Just wondering.

      Delete
    8. IOW, honey, get off your high horse. Capisce?

      Delete